2021

At least it’s not 2020. But here I am, talking about poop, in gory, gory detail. You were warned.

I ditched the Mg supplement prior to the PCP appointment. The serum levels were normal. So…

I am not constipated. I poop all the time. Like every time I pee. I poop hard rocklike pellets. I’m guessing it takes about 4 days at least for food to make it through. For me. For most people, it takes 2-5 days, says the Mayo clinic (found with a cursory google search “average time it takes food to exit the body as poop.”)

My insurance company sent a colon cancer screening kit. All I had to do was get some of this granite poop onto a toothpick with bristles and into a tiny plastic case with an even tinier hole in the top.

Attempt #1: my rock-hard poop would not stick to the toothpick no matter what I did. I got a couple of dark brown sand-sized grains onto it, sent it off, and got a new kit in the mail. With the letter saying they couldn’t process the first one. I’m guessing because it didn’t have poop in it.

Attempt #2: I took 1/8 cup of miralax and a little laxative pill. Nothing happened. Tried it again 8 hours later. Again, not even a stomach rumble. The next day, I took 2g (that’s grams, my friend) of Mg in the span of 12 hours. Four 500mg supplements. It took 2 additional days of this dosage to get poop soft enough to put in the apparatus.

Balancing my elbows on the counter and my wrists against a prop, I was able to get some poop in (and some poop out) of the container. Awaiting word of my success.

Meanwhile, nothing else in my life seemed to change with the magnesium. I stopped it, and within a couple of days, rock poop again.

I just don’t know. Clearly I have no answers 🙂