Day: March 3, 2021

Where Is My Mind?

Mastering The DeclineLeave a comment

OK, things are getting worse. Yesterday my therapist asked for the usual credentials at the beginning of a session: name, DOB, address. I gave name and address and hesitated. Took me a minute to remember what else she’d asked for. We have done this weekly for over a month, and still I couldn’t remember.

Later the same day, I host a zoom meeting. It’s protocol to thank each person who makes a comment in their allotted time. On the very first one, I forgot. The procedurals that are automated are going downhill.

I’ve had bad days, but this was a new low. With a degenerative disorder, new lows are the new normal.

This isn’t bad or good, it’s just what is. I don’t want to post this. But the purpose of this blog is to document the decline in detail. In realtime. And I don’t feel terrible. Just a sense of urgency to get done the things I won’t be able to do.

I play musical instruments, mostly guitar and piano. And I have a back catalog of about 300 songs. I’ve recorded a couple dozen. The others are mostly lost to weird made-up notation (not tab or sheet music) and lyric fragments. Some jpegs of literal fragments of paper. I’m not sure what’s worth saving. And it’s daunting to look at it and try to sort it. Much less re-learn and re-record it.

I’ll get done what I get done. Or as my mom and her father used to answer, to lots of things: “either it will or it won’t.” And I can choose to be ok with that, too. 🙂

Diet (2021)

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It’s time for a diet upgrade. I’m not traveling (thanks, covid), I have access to more fresh food. I’m ready to up my exercise game, since I’m experimenting with Meloxicam to see if I can build strength without injury to the entheses. And I’m watching a course on changing body composition.

Here’s the plan:

Vegan when I can (price and environmental impact), some chicken and fish, maybe some egg whites. High protein: 75g+ per day. Low cost (duh). I’m going to supplement pre- and post- exercise with creatine and BCAAs. I’ll be adding a protein shake for an additional 15g protein and 75 kc just before bed.

Here’s an example. It’s NOT vegan, gluten free, high protein, high omega 3 (with fish oil supplements), 6-meal timing optimized, under 1800 kc, and relatively inexpensive.

Six meals listed. 1. Coffee and a veggie burger. 2. Oatmeal with ground flax and cinnamon. 3. Black beans, rice, and brussels sprouts. 4. Chicken and avocado on salad greens. 5. Leftovers from 3: beans, rice, sprouts. 6. A protein shake at bed.

Here are the macros: 20% protein, 21% fat, 59% carbs.

I have a vegan version that is closer to 70% carb, about 10g less protein – substitutes beans and rice and olive oil for avocado/chicken salad.

I’ve been too reliant on fizzy drinks and artificial sweeteners. So I’m reducing to 1 unsweetened fizzy a day, and using only monkfruit/erythritol to sweeten coffee.

So I’ll see how this goes, especially with pricing. The BCAAs, creatine, and protein shake aren’t cheap. I’m exercising 6 days a week, strength training on 2-3, consistently for about the past 2 months. My goal is to see increases in strength and a better body composition with less injury.

A week in: I’m INSANELY hungry all the time, eating prob 800kc more every day. Have gained muscle, to be sure. But I wake up to eat sometimes.